she was so not down for the gang bang
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
