The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
