My Higher Power is John Stamos
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
