If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
