It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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