So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
