I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
