first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
