I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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