Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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