did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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