I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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