Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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