It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
