he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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