fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
