Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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