I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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