Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
