would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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