he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
