oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
