You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
