K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
