You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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