At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
