So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
