Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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