physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
