I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
