i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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