And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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