i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
