I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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