broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
