I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
