were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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