Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
