Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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