I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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