i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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