don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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