Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
