my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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