there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
