I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
