Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
