he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
