Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
