If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
