2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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