Your face is a jimmy john
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
