Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
