I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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